Last night, I read part of my diary from 2003. I’ve been keeping a daily diary since then, plus I have one from 1998 1996 when I was in Year 8.
For about two years, keeping a diary was a bit of a chore. I did it because I thought it might be a good idea. Now I know it’s a good idea and I often look forward to writing it. When I read about a party I went to, how I felt about family and friends, my projects, I can remember it and get the same feelings back. I recall much of the everyday — a pool night with uni friends here, a certain stressful exam there, a humiliating phone call, current obsessions, favourite pop songs. But some major things I’d forgotten. I had forgotten that after we had handed in a project, Kate, Deva and I took the initiative to present it to our client, a university department. At the time it was scary, taking schoolwork into the real world. It’s something I take for granted now. There was a phone interview with people in China for a six-month position in Inner Mongolia. I had forgotten it had even happened. I read about meeting people who are now some of my closest friends. It’s interesting, the little things I noted about them at the time.
Reading my 2003 diary, I realise that I’ve grown up a lot in four years. Mostly, I understand myself better. I learned how to be a better friend. At the time, I was terrible at delegation and teamwork. I often felt bad about myself. I knew how to make money but not how to spend it. I was a gawky dancer, nervous about swing dancing, just starting ballroom, only just starting to feel comfortable with hiphop.
Looking back, I would say 2003 was a painful year of learning and growth. At the time, I wouldn’t have said so. No, I probably thought I was on top of it all.
In four or five years, when I read about 2007, I wonder what I’ll think of it?
Have you got your dates right? I was in your year 8, and that wasn’t in ’98.
Oh yes, auhem, quite right. All those 8s confused me.
Do you still keep a daily diary now that you have a blog? I never have the discipline to keep a daily diary. It was something I wanted to do since, like, forever. But I ended up losing interest after a couple of weeks or tearing out the pages because I found that the things I wrote a week ago seems so stupid. Right now I’m suppose to keep some sort of career journal for my engineer australia career epsiode report but never get around to it. 😛
\begin{ramble}
Hey Joan. I can totally relate. I’ve kept a diary for a long time, but I’ve only ever written in it when ‘significant’ stuff has happened. So it reads like the ramblings of a very angsty teenager (although part of the reason for that is probably because much of it was written when I was exactly that).
What often gets me when I read old entries is my decision-making, especially when I have incomplete information. I basically have a tendency to just ‘do stuff’ without *really* thinking it through first. For example, in 2003 – driving (and crashing) a formula ford, running “Stand Up For Your Rights”, traveling alone through south america on the way to world championships… all which I would happily do again, given the choice… but with the added burden of knowing just how risky those things really are.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I was on top of it all. I also have a funny way of thinking about my decisions in terms of “years from now, how will I judge this?”. I suppose that’s why I’m so violently opposed to the “it is better to be safe than sorry” philosophy.
I have a question. Do you ever look back and think “I wish I’d done this” or “I really shouldn’t have done that”? Or are you generally happy with the decisions you’ve made and the way that life has panned out?
\end{ramble}
Hi misscipher. I keep my diary and also this blog. When I started the blog, I wondered if I would write less in my diary but it turns out I just write fewer emails. So, it turned out that my blog and emails have overlapping audiences (friends and public) but my diary was for myself, full of stupid things that I wouldn’t want other people to read 🙂
Yes, things do seem stupid after a while. It’s been useful for me to remember how things that seemed important at the time turned out not to be important or worked themselves out.
Hi Daniel. There are a few things that I have done that make me cringe or uncomfortable. There aren’t many of these. Overall, I’m happy with all my past decisions. I think that most people who are happy with their lives at the moment will say the same. I wouldn’t take anything back because I don’t think I could be appreciably happier.
I usually think a lot about decisions before I make them. I’m not impulsive so I tend to make decisions that I think are right at the time. I also don’t think any of my decisions so far have been irreversible.
Hmm. I’m trying hard to think of something in the past that I might want change but I can’t think of anything without fear of changing my life now. I’ve learned a thing or two from ‘Back to the Future’…
Interesting…
There are many decisions which I would change… but only slightly. Overwhelmingly, the changes are of the form “I wish I had done this earlier”.
For some reason, and I accept that it may be entirely by chance, the feedback from ‘bad’ decisions is always tied to the timing of the decision. I think this has contributed significantly to me being compulsive and spontaneous the way I am.
…in fact, a very good example of this occurred very recently…