Now that you have got a boyfriend, you need to figure out how to keep him (and whether or not you should keep him).

The start of a relationship is a special time. You bound towards the door when the doorbell rings. His text messages make you sigh happily. He does crazy hedonistic things like take you to the airport.

Harry: You take someone to the airport, it’s clearly the beginning of a relationship. That’s why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.

Sally: Why?

Harry: Because eventually things move on and you don’t take someone to the airport, and I never wanted anyone to say to me, how come you never take me to the airport anymore?

Sally: It’s amazing, you look like a normal person but actually you’re the angel of death.

— When Harry Met Sally

Well, I have some advice that is at least as useful as Mr Harry Burns’s.

Firstly, if he hasn’t made it clear already, ask, “Will you do me the honour of being my boyfriend?” That way, you have a definite date for future anniversaries.

Talk about your previous relationships. Come on, we all know we’re interested. You can either leave him hanging in curiosity or you can both act like adults and agree to spill all.

Tell each other the one thing that you need for this relationship to work. Good ones include:

• “I want us to be a social couple. I don’t like those couples who shut themselves off from friends. At dance socials, I’ll dance with lots of people. At a party, I want us to be able to talk to other people.”

or

• “I think it’s important for us to communicate. I’d like to know what you are thinking and when you feel unhappy — and when you are happy too. No topic should be off limits.”

Promise to honour these commitments.

Do not be performing monkeys for each other. Don’t force yourself to entertain him, be witty, be talented, pretend you’re interested in his boring hobbies. Don’t smile when you feel like crying. It will wear you out eventually. Being a performing monkey will wear you out.

Take it easy on the physical side of things. Let each step happen naturally. Be surprised and delighted as you go from hug, to hand-holding to kissing. Have twenty bases.

Don’t be scared of his parents.

Finally, don’t judge your relationship against society’s expectations of a “normal” relationship. Don’t worry if you don’t see him as often as other couples see each other. Don’t let your friends convince you to be angry that he doesn’t drive you everywhere. If he comes back from overseas/interstate/camp and doesn’t call you straight away, don’t let your family wear you down into a suspicious second-guessing mess.

The only yardstick by which you should measure your relationship is your own. If you are content, then you don’t need to listen to anyone else.

The next instalment will discuss how you can grow your relationship past the romance stage. See you then!