I was learning to be a better person the other day. I’ve borrowed a great book called “Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In“. I have a sub-optimal tendency to take conflicts personally. This book is teaching me how to accept differences of opinion and better yet, how to  manipulate  negotiate with others to create solutions that are positive for all of us.

Separate people from the problem!
Focus on interests, not positions!
Generate options! This is not a zero-sum game!
Use objective criteria!

Today, in Joanium’s World…

Joan:	“I’ll print this out so we can go through the report with Peter and make notes.”
Miriam:	(who is environmentally conscious) “The report is pretty long. I know Peter doesn’t like it but can I get you to print it double-sided and two to a page?”
Joan:	(looks at Miriam carefully) “Why does he want it big? Is it because his eyesight isn’t as good as ours? He is older…”
Miriam:	“Nah. He likes to have it all on separate bits of paper in front of him so that he can rearrange the sections.”
Joan:	(exclaims) “Oh no, Miriam! You’re making me choose between you and Peter! Alas, what should I do?

Joan thinks about the problem. Clearly, there are two opposing positions here. Peter wants the report printed single-sided and at normal size. Miriam wants four pages per piece of paper. Lowly Graduate Joan is on the spot.

Who will she choose?
Will she chose her bestest work buddy Miriam, who is at this moment looking at her, wide-eyed and expectant? Or will Joan be politically canny and side with the Brilliant, Indispensable-to-the-Business Environmental Guru, Dr Peter?

Eager not to offend anyone, Joan realises she can look beyond the positions and consider the underlying interests of the parties. Obviously, Miriam wants to minimise resource consumption, an admirable environmental goal. Peter wants the flexibility; he wants to communicate his lightning fast thoughts clearly and efficiently. Unlike their positions, Peter and Miriam’s interests are not mutually exclusive!

Joan:	(slowly) “Why don’t I… load the printer’s bypass tray with scrap paper that’s already been used on one side… and then print it one to a page?”
Miriam:	(pleased) “That’s a great idea, Joan. Good job.”
	Joan glows with pleasure.