I bought my mum a Cabbage Patch Kid. For those of you who know my mum, she really is a big kid. I knew she would like the doll. I was right.

“Joan,” she looked at me mournfully. “It’s really cute but we have to return it. What am I going to do with a big doll? I can’t carry it around, people will think I’m crazy. And we can’t just leave it in a box and display it somewhere.”

“Oh,” I said.

“We’ll return it and use the money to buy a mobile phone, okay? My phone’s too heavy to carry on my walks. We’ll get something practical like a new phone.”

Damn you, adult practicality!

On Thursday, I arrived home from work.

“Joan! We bought a new phone but it’s too complicated for me,” Mum was exasperated. She thrust into my hand a Nokia 3200. It has all the latest, coolest features: camera (of course), colour screen, MMS, radio, GPRS… and a flashlight. Ooh, funky!

“I don’t want it. Give me your phone, Joan, and you can have this one.”

Oh no! I’ve always prided myself in having a minimalist phone. My Siemens A55 does phone calls, SMS and polyphonic ringtones. It does the job. I’m no yuppie. (Yeah right, Joan. What about your Palm, hey?? Shuddup, shaddup!)

“Okay mum,” I said resignedly. “Just for you.”

The things I do!