I’m very tired. I’ve come home from two hours of teaching hip hop. Today was difficult. It was our last lessons before the biggest dance competition of the year on the weekend. I left my music CD at home (silly) but luckily had copies of the music at the studio. Then to my horror, the CDs wouldn’t work. I flailed around for a while, not knowing what to do. This was a worst case scenario — last lesson before a competition and no music!

My brain clicked. I ran to the studio room next door and grabbed the portable CD player. Thank god that worked. It’s a crappy CD player. If the music is at any decent volume, the CD skips. I don’t think we got through a whole song without the thing skipping. Add to all this the stress of organising positions, transitions, walk-on, walk-off, make-up, costumes, making announcements about events, making sure people know when to show up, where to show up — and then, if I have time and energy, teaching them to actually dance!

At least it is a good class of people. The second class was worse. Can you believe it? The week before a competition and I have new people to deal with. The two new boys were about my age. They must have had self-confidence issues because they were loud, disruptive and full of bravado. They would not shut up. I have never shouted or glared at people in my class before but I had to just to control them.

And again, the CD player wouldn’t play my CD.

In this case, I just gave up. I said, “Right. We’re all going to learn a new routine today.” I had to use a CD that I had brought. “The six of you who are competing on Sunday, we’ll organise a rehearsal so that we can go through it.” We definitely need a run-through. Three of the six weren’t even in class last week.

So that’s why I will be in the dance studio on Saturday morning.

I love teaching but damn it, the organising of people has wrung me dry. I could handle it last year when I was at uni but now in full-time work, I’m not coping well. It took me two weeks of soul-searching and consultation with my family and Damjan, but on Saturday I decided to quit teaching. It was a really difficult decision to make. I feel like I’ve let my students down, I’ve let the studio down, I’ve let my fellow teachers down.

But I’m going insane. My brain hurts. I’m tired.