Yesterday, I said an extremely silly thing. “I feel better after spending a lot of money.”

“Joan!” Joel said into the surprised silence. “You would be the last person I’d expect who’d say that.”

I considered this for a few seconds. “Because… it’s such a consumerist thing to say?”

“Yes!”

Let me think about this now. Until this very second, I considered myself reasonably “tight” with my money. I used to limit my spending to the essentials. When I wanted to buy something as ordinary as clothing or food, I thought, “Do I need it? Can I get it cheaper somewhere else? How would I feel if I just walked away?” And I was happy with that because my savings grew as a result.

My savings are no longer growing. I’m spending more money on entertainment and food. Am I spending without proper knowledge of my finances? Yes. Until I start working, I cannot create a budget. It’s a bit worrying at this moment because I really should have some idea of how my money should stretch. It’s been too easy to borrow money from my parents (I always pay it back!).

Anyway, I like to justify my spending by saying I spend it on the things I consider important in life.

• Dining out and holidaying with friends.
  

• Presents for people I care about
  

• Lessons to improve my skills

The only thing I can’t put under these categories are my gadgets. Every few years, I pour a lot of money into a “possession” I want. These have been:

1. Inline skates — 2000
   

2. Palm Tungsten C — 2003
   

3. Digital SLR camera — 2005

I don’t believe this is a list by a Voracious Consumer. It remains to be seen whether or not I get full use out of my new camera. To justify the expenditure, I’m going to have to learn how to be a better photographer, which means spending money on lessons. That would be expenditure under the category of “Lessons to improve my skills” so it’s okay, right?

Last night I had a nightmare. I went to USA and came back with presents for my brother. I had bought him a Hummer and a Buick. It was only when I was back in Australia and giving it to him that I thought, “Oh my God. Two cars! I’ve given him two cars! (Apparently, one car was do-able.) What’s dad going to think when he gets the credit card bill?

Perhaps my subconscious is trying to tell me something.