I’m testing out a bracelet. I think it’s silver plated but I’m not sure. I will find out soon. The only metals I can wear without a skin reaction are gold and silver. You might say my skin has refined taste but it’s also happy to wear plastic jewellery.
I’m feeling a bit down. I’ve just watched ‘The OC‘ for the first time. So much angst. Marisa pines after Ryan. Teresa dreams of Ryan. Eddie loves Teresa. Ryan doesn’t know who he likes. Summer likes Seth. Seth likes Summer… or maybe he likes Anna. And so on. How do I manage to remember these names?
Ah, love. So many things can go wrong. In fact, it’s a miracle that anything ever goes right. Think about it. Out of all the people out there in the world, what are the odds that the person you like will like you back? Aren’t there some people who are more attractive than others? Doesn’t everyone like the intelligent, pleasant, beautiful people? Does that mean the attractive people get the pick of the lot and the dredges of society are stuck with each other?
I don’t know. What do you think? Do you look around and see all the “good” people together? Okay, so there’s probably more than one definition of “good”.
I have a friend who believes in fate and “the one”, even though she acknowledges that the belief is full of holes. She thinks that what is meant to be is meant to be, that people fit together.
My idea is quite different. I don’t believe that people are meant for each other. I think that people have initial compatabilities, a natural tendency to get along, feed off each other, be attracted to each other. But the initial compatability is not the deciding factor. You can grow into each other. I think of it like two jigsaw pieces. Some pieces will fit well together immediately. Others might have the generally correct shape but in time, you can jiggle the pieces about, nudge the pieces until you get a reasonable fit. It does take more work but the fit might end up being better than if the pieces fit okay in the first place but no work was put into it.
Some consequences of my theory are:
- There is no “one” person for you. There are lots of jigsaw pieces out there that, with a bit of work, could work out.
- History is as important or even more important than initial attraction. The time you spend together gives the relationship its own legitimacy.
- Ergo, just because you are attracted to someone, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to abandon an existing relationship in the belief that this may be something better.
- Crushes are the seed of a relationship that will bloom only if it is fed. If the crush isn’t “fed”, then the crush will die.
- Some people need more feeding than others.
Okay, I’m done now.
I pinched this and stuck it on my LJ, just so I can refer back to it after exams and think about it a bit more. I kind of agree with some of it but not too sure about the rest, so I want to spend some time thinking about it and come up with my own theory. Hope you don’t mind
-J
Actually, I think you’re pretty much 100% spot on with your theory. Good work, you cracked it 🙂
(by the way, don’t you dare get into the habit of watching The O.C. regularly. In my experience, I’ve found that the average intelligence of viewers of said show isn’t particularly high, which might be why they abbreviate the title – the viewers can’t remember all those tricky letters.)
Is it possible to overfeed? If so, how does that relate to the jigsaw-piece analogy?
Beldar
You’re right, Beldar. The jigsaw and the feeding analogy aren’t as related as I first thought. I was thinking that:
1. You meet someone. You have a “crush” on them because you recognise the general shape of the jigsaw piece that they are… and suspect that they would fit well.
2. Without work, the crush will never become a full relationships because the jigsaw pieces need moulding.
3. I suspect that if a Chaser doesn’t receive feedback from the Chasee, then eventually, their crush would dissipate (so, if you’re being chased by someone, do the right thing and ignore them — be cruel to be kind!). But that doesn’t quite fit my jigsaw analogy. In my analogy, as long as all the jigsaw pieces stay the same shape, then the crush could live on.
(On another thought, some jigsaw pieces aren’t ever meant to be together. Their shapes are too incompatible and the only way they could fit would be to wear away all the interesting outcrops that define them as people. And then, the pieces would be so flat that if even the smallest pressure was applied, they wouldn’t be able to stick together!)
Hmm… I’m not sure about crushes dying.
For me, the only way of completely killing a crush is to go out with the person, really get to know them properly, then decide that you don’t like them, then dump them.
Otherwise, for me, a crush never really dies. Occasionally I think that I’ve gotten over a crush, then I bump into then in a supermarket (or something equally silly) and realise that I’m not over them… argh.
Agreed, some people need ALOT more feeding than others. As for overfeeding… then the jigsaw pieces become bloated and don’t fit, simple.
What about when you see a piece that looks like it will fit well, but upon closer inspection… (REALLY close inspection) it turns out that things don’t fit quite so well as you think they might…?