I’ve been thinking about the Ideal Person. That is, I am trying to identify the traits that I think the Ideal Person would have. The list I am going to present here is very subjective and has more to do with gut feeling than anything rational. So, here goes…
The Ideal Person:
- Enjoys cooking and trying new foods
- Is punctual
- Can maintain his or her car
- Keeps his or her room tidy
- Is confident but knows his or her own limits
- Plays an instrument and appreciates music
- Is a good listener
- Is diplomatic
- Is very intelligent
- Will sacrifice his or her own interests to meet his or her commitments to others
- Is generous with his or her money and time (Is happy to drive people home even if it is inconvenient)
- Will consider other people’s opinions, even if he or she doesn’t agree
- Enjoys learning
- Can accept criticism
- Has a favourite sport or two
- Reads widely
- Pays attention to world affairs
- Is comfortable with physical expressions of affection (without overstepping the boundaries of social acceptability)
- Looks after his or her appearance
- Has a sophisticated sense of humour
- Is a good teacher
I expect people to disagree with my list. I’m not saying that people who don’t have all these qualities are no good. I think most of us will think, “Hmm, that would be a good trait to have. We should all strive for it,” and never achieve it because we don’t have the time, we don’t have it within us to be like that or because we’re lazy.
A few years ago, I gave Gurpreet a very truncated version of this list. She was surprised that my criteria focused on intelligence, skills and education.
“Joan, that’s really interesting. I don’t define good people that way. I value other traits like being a good friend, being kind and generous.”
Gurpreet, now that you mention it, I suppose I agree with you. But I kind of take it for granted that people are kind and generous. I probably shouldn’t assume that. Our different outlooks also explain why you have devoted much of your time developing your interpersonal skills and I have spent more time on my technical skills. It’s only recently that I’ve figured out how to be a good friend. But that is another discussion.
Joan, it’s funny that you should put up a list like this. I have a list too, but is more specifically what I look for in a guy, and there’s two parts to the list — things I want, and things I don’t want (since they’re not necessarily polar opposites, and there are some things which I don’t have too much of an opinion about).
I’m not going to post my entire list (I feel that’s too personal!), but I have to say ” is intelligent”, “has a sophisticated sense of humour” (in exactly those words, mind you!), and “is generous” are on my list too. I like “looks after his or her appearance” — I had “dresses appropriately”, but I think yours is broader. On the other hand, I had “takes interest in cultural stuff” rather than specific items on music and reading.
Interesting!
vera
Wow, that’s a long list… and I thought the Rhodes Scholarship criteria were tough!
damjan
My definition of an ideal person is someone who does not cause harm or discomfort in anyway to anyone. Someone who brings joy to everyone (even a stranger he/ she just met) in his/ her life. Someone warm, genuine and sincere. Someone who is willing to listen, not just for conversation sake or personal gain, but to listen because he/ she is really interested. Someone who makes life a pleasurable experience, and makes people feel that the world is not so ugly afterall.
It seems that your definition of an ideal person is someone who fits in socially, popular, and to have everything together in life.
pickle
I’m glad that my entry about The Ideal Person has generated some comments. Pickle’s comment in particular has prompted me to explain why I’ve created a list that swings between highly specific criteria and vague ones.
Pickle said:
My definition of an ideal person is someone who does not cause harm or discomfort in anyway to anyone. Someone who brings joy to everyone (even a stranger he/ she just met) in his/ her life. Someone warm, genuine and sincere. Someone who is willing to listen, not just for conversation sake or personal gain, but to listen because he/ she is really interested. Someone who makes life a pleasurable experience, and makes people feel that the world is not so ugly afterall.
It seems that your definition of an ideal person is someone who fits in socially, popular, and to have everything together in life. I agree with your criteria, Pickle. I would like to clarify the purpose of my list. It’s not a list that I carry in my head all the time and tick things off as I get to know people. This ‘Ideal Person’ is a composite of attributes that I admire in many people (usually friends but not always). I suppose I wish I had all these traits. I fail at least 6.5 of the criteria.
We often hear people saying such things as, “I like people who are kind, generous, warm, nice…” but what does this mean? My ‘Ideal Person’ list tries not to be a list of adjectives, rather show how these qualities might translate into every day actions.
But let me translate the list back into adjectives:
– Open minded — Likes to try new foods, listens to others
– Makes the people around him/her feel comfortable — Is punctual, diplomatic
– Engages with the wider community — Reads widely, pays attention to the news
– Is humble — Accepts criticism, knows his/her limits
– Takes pride in him/herself — Looks after appearance, keeps room tidy
– Is generous — Drives people home even if it is inconvenient
– Is true to his/her word — Will meet commitments to others
– Is fun and active — Enjoys sport, trying new food, sense of humour
– Loves people — Is a good teacher, physically affectionate, good listener
So these qualities that Gurpreet, Pickle and others speak of have not been ignored. Instead, my engineering brain just focused on the evidence of these qualities in people. I haven’t been able to avoid some ‘broad adjective’ criteria, like being intelligent and diplomatic and generous; I will think about these a bit more.
There are many qualities that I have not specified. I do not ask people to be extroverted, popular, enjoy high culture, be computer literate, speak more than one language (I am tempted to put this one in, as it shows an interest in the outside world), a leader, assertive…
As for fitting in socially and being popular, I hope that anyone who exhibits even half these qualities will be well liked. A society that works is one that recognises the value of these people. I’m trying to say that you don’t need to be popular to be The Ideal Person — if you are The Ideal Person, you will be popular.