I’ve just spent half an hour talking to one of my formerly-close high school friend, Sheau Sze. I haven’t spoken to her properly for years, even though we are at the same university. She’s changed — I have too. I think we’ve diverged, although the potential to be close friends is still there. We’ve emerged from tertiary education with very different outlooks on life. Like a good engineer, I will display this information in a table. Refer to Table 1.

Table 1: Comparison of Sheau Sze and Joan’s outlooks on life

Aspect	Sheau Sze	Joan
University	Suspects she chose the wrong course (business IT). Feels her brain has not worked in four years. The best thing about her degree was “the hours” — she’s been “on holiday” for four years.	Thinks she chose the perfect course for her skills, personality and ambitions. Feels her mind has expanded. The best thing about her degree was the variety.
Post-university	No graduate role yet and not sure what kind of job she wants.	Has options and offers for graduate work. Knows what area she wants to work in.
Ambition	Wants a “small” job that will provide a means for survival and allow time to enjoy life.	Wants to integrate work into enjoyment in life, a job that has a large impact.
Current relationship	Is dissatisfied with the support and level of communication in her current relationship.	Is content.
Dreams	Wants to be running her own small business with her sister (although she is negative about the amount of money and effort it will require).	Nothing definite.
Attitude to money	Feels like she has too little for what she wants to do — start a business, buy a house, live happily. Considers renumeration an important part of job satisfaction.	Feels like she has enough for life now and will have enough in future for all she wants to do. Is less concerned with renumeration in a job.
Attitude to luck	Believes luck can shape people’s lives.	Believes that having made a decision to do something, luck is not an important determining factor.

So you can see, at this stage of life, Sheau Sze is more troubled than I am. Her future after graduation is uncertain and she is very frustrated with her own lack of direction. She doesn’t know what she wants. On one hand, it seems to me that she is not willing to put in the work to achieve the good things in life. But maybe that has to do with her uncertainty. If she found something that she was passionate about, then the drive might kick in.

I can’t make sweeping statements about Sheau’s situation or outlook because she’s had different experiences to me. She has worked in small businesses and seen the struggles of the ordinary person (which explains why she is generally negative about people’s job prospects). She is to work in the competitive world of business information technology and has been rejected from many jobs. Being knocked down so many times does affect your outlook in life.

She has high expectations of relationships because she is surrounded by successful ones (her sister, her boss, her friends). I personally think she is expecting too much from her boyfriend — she wants him to read her moods and support her. We all want that but I think it’s unfair to expect it without letting the boy know.

She is what I would call a cheerful pessimist. I am essentially optimistic (probably unrealistically so). How much of this is due to our different inherent personalities? How much are we a product of our experiences? We entered university in virtually the same position. If I had chosen business systems, would I have grown to be like her? Somehow, I don’t think so. I believe I have created my own opportunities.

It’s the old question of ‘nature versus nurture’.