Tag: things i think about

You have three lifelines

On November 1st, I wrote a short story on this blog called ‘Taking it for granted‘. It was about an unnamed woman in the middle of perhaps dying in a car accident. Between moments, though, she is transported into a blank world and someone we might assume to be God winds back the clock for her.

The crux of the story is this: Everyone has three chances to hit CTRL-Z on their life. If you wish for it passionately enough, then you appear before God (or someone I imagine is like the Architect from The Matrix) and he gives you a choice. “Do you want to use one of your lifelines to undo this episode of your life?”

Whatever you decide, all memory of this decision is wiped. You continue your life, oblivious, taking for granted all the goodness that you had almost lost. However, the memories return the next time your desperation drives you before God. You end up with a catalogue of situations that show very clearly what you consider to be important in your life. The irony is, of course, that back in your earthly existence you have no opportunity to use this incredible self-understanding.

The most boggling thing to contemplate is, “How would you use your lifelines if you knew you only had three?” So you say something devastating and hurtful to your friend. Would you take it back? You accidentally set the house on fire. Would you take it back? You lose your mother’s most beloved heirloom necklace. Would you take it back? Someone discovers that you cheated in your Year 12 exam. Would you take it back?

In my story, the woman chose to use her lifelines on her career dreams, love and survival. Those are the most important things I can think of. But even then, unless you were dying, how could you be sure? Is he the one for you? Maybe you were never meant to be a doctor.

And then to die, go to Heaven (or wherever) and realise that you didn’t use any of your lifelines because you had held onto them too tightly. Or to spend your last one, burdened with the realisation that you had squandered the other two.

Well. That’s a lot of philosophy to pack into a 213 word story. The story is not as random as you may think. I’ve been telling myself this story for about three years. I tell it every time I feel like something terrible has happened. Three years ago, I was in a car accident. I was extremely shaken and upset, angry that I had lost my car, angry at my stupidity. People say, “It could have been worse.” Maybe it was. Maybe until I used up one of my lifelines, the accident had left me a quadriplegic. And maybe it was important enough for me to use one of my precious chances. I remind myself not to take my good life for granted.

The Ideal Person

I’ve been thinking about the Ideal Person. That is, I am trying to identify the traits that I think the Ideal Person would have. The list I am going to present here is very subjective and has more to do with gut feeling than anything rational. So, here goes…

The Ideal Person:

  • Enjoys cooking and trying new foods

  • Is punctual

  • Can maintain his or her car

  • Keeps his or her room tidy

  • Is confident but knows his or her own limits

  • Plays an instrument and appreciates music

  • Is a good listener

  • Is diplomatic

  • Is very intelligent

  • Will sacrifice his or her own interests to meet his or her commitments to others

  • Is generous with his or her money and time (Is happy to drive people home even if it is inconvenient)

  • Will consider other people’s opinions, even if he or she doesn’t agree

  • Enjoys learning

  • Can accept criticism

  • Has a favourite sport or two

  • Reads widely

  • Pays attention to world affairs

  • Is comfortable with physical expressions of affection (without overstepping the boundaries of social acceptability)

  • Looks after his or her appearance

  • Has a sophisticated sense of humour

  • Is a good teacher

I expect people to disagree with my list. I’m not saying that people who don’t have all these qualities are no good. I think most of us will think, “Hmm, that would be a good trait to have. We should all strive for it,” and never achieve it because we don’t have the time, we don’t have it within us to be like that or because we’re lazy.

A few years ago, I gave Gurpreet a very truncated version of this list. She was surprised that my criteria focused on intelligence, skills and education.

“Joan, that’s really interesting. I don’t define good people that way. I value other traits like being a good friend, being kind and generous.”

Gurpreet, now that you mention it, I suppose I agree with you. But I kind of take it for granted that people are kind and generous. I probably shouldn’t assume that. Our different outlooks also explain why you have devoted much of your time developing your interpersonal skills and I have spent more time on my technical skills. It’s only recently that I’ve figured out how to be a good friend. But that is another discussion.