I went to my first ever cricket match yesterday. The scene for this milestone event was day 3 of the Boxing Day Test Match, Australia versus South Africa.
I went with Kate (also a cricket match virgin) and her boyfriend, Avi. Avi was my patient guide through the cricket maze.
“Avi, what does R/M/B stand for? What are ‘extras’? Under what circumstances do they swap batspeople? Was that a ‘six’? How come all the rowdy people are over there (in Bay 13)? Why is everyone getting up?”
Everyone was getting up because it was time for ‘drinks’. The strangest thing about the game was this oddly regimented series of intervals throughout the match. There was drinks (I think at 11:30 AM), lunch (12:30 PM), drinks (again, at 2:30 PM) and tea. It was all very civilised.
It was hot and I was losing interest. I kept missing the exciting bits, which happened maybe every 10 minutes. I would be talking to Kate, eating or staring into space, then suddenly there would be a collective stadium gasp or cheer. I ended up watching more of the match on the replay screen than on the pitch.
That night, I met Joel and Vera for some salsa dancing. Joel said, “I heard you went to the cricket, Joan. What was the score when you left?”
I looked at him blankly.
“How many wickets and runs?” he added, helpfully.
“Erm. There are 11 batspeople, right? They were up to Mister 8 or 9. I think they had about 275 runs. Something like that.”
Joel nodded kindly.
Fifteen minutes later when Tony and Karen arrived, Joel said, “You’re probably a more reliable source, Tony. What was the cricket score?”
“It was 175 for 2 last I heard.”
Joel looked perplexed. “What did Joan say?”
I realised the source of confusion. “That was South Africa’s score,” I explained.
“You left before Australia batted? You must have left before tea!” Tony was incredulous.
I shrugged. “I left a bit after Drinks Part 2, actually. Didn’t get to find out what time tea was.”
Tony says that next time I should go to a One Day Match. They are reputedly more exciting — although Vera tells me that she fell asleep at one once.

Crowd swarms towards the MCG on a hot day.