Tag: interesting happening

Mister Surgeon

Since November, I have had a small bump in the back of my neck. My local doctor identified it as a harmless cyst.

The bump started hurting occasionally when something pressed against it. In mid-January, I went back to the doctor. She agreed to refer me to a surgery clinic.

I didn’t hear from the surgery for two months. They were supposed to call me to arrange an appointment.

I was prepared for the wait. Many had warned me that the UK National Health Service (NHS) was very good for GP services and would rally behind me in times of serious illness. However, the wait for any medical procedure between routine and emergency is interminable.

After six weeks of no news, I tried to sign up for private health insurance. Then I found out that my company had decided to provide all its UK employees with private health insurance starting in May. I thought, ‘If I don’t hear from the surgery before May, I can at least go to a private surgeon.’

A day before leaving for Germany, I got the letter. The clinic had set my appointment for the week after I came back from holiday. Perfect! Because by the time I was travelling around Germany, even the lightest touch of clothing or my necklace made me wince.

My appointment was today at 9:40 AM with Mister S. Did you know that if a doctor goes through the years of training to become a surgeon, they are honoured with the title of ‘Mister’? (read the link, it’s interesting)

He injected a local anaesthetic. The needle must have been long because it seemed to go on and on. It hurt more than any injection I’ve had. Afterwards, though, the back of my neck was completely numb.

‘Can you feel anything?’ Mister S asked. He and the nurse had already sliced into my neck.

‘Not at all,’ I said. It was very surprising. They must have been digging around back there and I couldn’t feel a thing.

I was thankful that the needle had gone as far as it had when I heard them say, ‘It keeps jiggling.’ ‘It’s tricky. I tried to take it out in one piece but it’s surprisingly deep in.’

Being numb and facing the other way, I didn’t know when the lump had been fished out and when they started stitching me back up. When it was over, I was eager to see the fruits of their labour, which had been dropped into in a small plastic bottle filled with water.

The thing responsible for my pain was white and about 1.5-2 centimetres long. I had expected it to be round but it was long, almost like a small bone. I shook the bottle and it rattled a bit. The lump must have been hard.

I’m glad it’s out of me. I have a dressing on my neck and next week will be back at the GP to get the stitches out.

Overdosed on Soothers

‘Can I see some ID?’ the Sainsbury’s employee at the check out said to me.

‘Huh?’ I stopped my packing temporarily.

‘Do you have ID?’ The man waved a pack of blackcurrant Soothers at me. I wanted them for my sore throat.

‘Erm.’ I opened my wallet and flicked through my cards.

‘No, sorry. I have a university student card…?’

The man shook his head. A university card wasn’t ID.

The man behind me in the queue noticed what was going on. ‘What? You want ID for cough lollies? You must joking!’ he barked.

‘Do you have a driver’s licence?’ the check out person asked, looking uncomfortable.

‘I don’t drive,’ I said helplessly.

My fellow shopper laughed. ‘Is the till asking you to check for age?’

‘Yes,’ the check out man said.

‘Man, you are doing your job a bit too well, don’t you think? Can you see it in the news? Student overdosed on Soothers!’

Turning to me, the check out man asked, ‘How old are you?’

‘Um, twenty-five.’

The check out man nodded and swiped the lozenges through.

Well, I am glad that the debate had been whether or not people needed to be over 16 to buy Soothers. There had been no question that I could have passed for a high school kid. It seems that I have retained my youthful good looks.

A bit of time and care

They had threatened to do it for weeks. My glasses finally fell apart during a dance lesson. Thank goodness for the back-up glasses that Damjan brought from home in Australia. For two weeks, I carried my broken glasses around in my bag, looking for an opportunity to duck into an optician for help.

On Sunday, Damjan and I made it to a Vision Express store.

The lady at the counter examined my glasses, then took them to a white-coated lab technician. After less than ten minutes with a tiny screw, the lab tech handed my glasses back to the lady, who presented them to me.

‘There you go,’ she said.

‘Thank you! How much do I owe you?’

‘Nothing.’ She shook her head and smiled.

‘Thank you very much!’

As we left the store, Damjan commented, ‘It’s nice to know there are still some things for free in the world.’

Follow that bus!

Last week, while going for a walk, I pondered the question, ‘Of all my things, which one would I be most upset at losing?’

Immediately I thought: ‘My gloves.’ I had lost one of them for a morning last year and I was miserable until a stranger found it on the footpath outside the Cambridge Judge Business School and handed it in to reception. This is the email I sent to my classmates.

Dear all,

I have lost a black leather glove for my right hand. If you find it,
could you please let me know? I am very sad it’s gone. It fit my hand
like a glove.

Joan

When I wear my gloves, I feel indestructible. I like putting my hands into the fleece inside. I like going on buses and grabbing the rails without thinking about germs. I like that the gloves are tough and waterproof, but also flexible and soft.

This evening, I was dozing on the bus going home when I woke with a start and saw that I had missed my bus stop. I bounded downstairs to the lower level and got off at the next stop. As door shut behind me, I knew something was wrong. My hands were cold.

‘My gloves!’

Frozen, eyes wide, I tried to memorise the number plate of the bus as it disappeared down the street. I got four out of the seven numbers.

I scrabbled through my bag, hoping that I had slipped the gloves in absent-mindedly, but they were not there.

‘Oh no…’

Confused, I took a few steps towards home. I needed to call the bus company. I tottered back to the bus stop. The phone number must be on the bus stop sign.

As I started keying in the number into my mobile phone, another bus pulled up. It was the same route number as the one I had just gotten off.

I jumped in and gabbled, ‘I left my gloves on the last bus!’

‘Eh?’

‘My gloves are on the bus that just went by!’

‘What number was the bus?’

‘The same as this one! It was the same!’

The bus driver understood. ‘Sit down,’ he said. ‘I will take you to the depot. We will catch up with the bus there and then I can take you back.’

‘Thank you!’

I sat down in the nearest seat, reserved for disabled people. Two women sitting nearby looked worriedly at me.

‘Don’t worry, love,’ one said. ‘We’ll get them at the depot.’

‘Thank you,’ I murmured.

The bus pulled away from the stop and drove along for two minutes. The bus driver was driving fast.

‘There it is!’ the friendly woman said, pointing to a bus stopped in front of us at the traffic light.

Within a minute, both buses were at the next stop. I went up to the bus driver, who told me, ‘There are two of them now!’

Indeed, there were now three buses, including ours, with the same route number.

‘Which one is yours?’ the bus driver asked.

‘I don’t know!’ I said. I remembered, ‘It was a lady bus driver!’

‘That’s the one further ahead, then,’ he said. ‘We can’t catch it here. We will go to the depot. Don’t worry, I’ll take you.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, grateful that he made my decision, and sat back down.

The lady sitting nearby said, ‘Better to go to the depot, I think. Then you can check both buses. Otherwise, you’ll never know, right?’

‘That’s right,’ I nodded. I couldn’t think of anything to say.

We drove some more and I watched the bus with my gloves come in and out of my vision. I worried about someone spotting them and picking them up.

‘Look, it stopped,’ said the woman. ‘Go and get it now!’

I jumped up and my bus driver opened the door to let me out. The bus in front started taking off but then stopped when the lady driver saw me running at full speed. The door whooshed open.

‘I left my gloves upstairs!’ I cried to the driver. ‘Can I get them?’

‘Yes…’

I pounded upstairs and found my empty seat. But there were no gloves. I looked under the seat. No gloves. Then I looked at the startled man sitting on the seat behind.

‘Have you seen some gloves?’ I asked. He shook his head.

I had one last desperate look around but they were gone. Conscious that I was holding up a bus-full of commuters, I scurried back down.

‘I’m sorry, they weren’t there,’ I told the lady driver.

‘Oh, that’s too bad! When did you get off?’

‘It was just after the main bus station, a few minutes ago.’

The driver sighed. ‘Isn’t that terrible? People taking a pair of gloves! They take everything!’

‘Yeah… Thanks so much.’ I stepped out and let the bus go.

Forlorn, I began trudging home. It wasn’t worth catching a bus back. I kind of wanted to walk for fifteen minutes by myself. I stuck my hands deep into my jacket, looking for warmth in the pockets.

I thought about my gloves, the way they fit my little fingers. I thought about two Sundays ago when I went shopping with Bettina. She had been looking for leather gloves. We couldn’t find anything good. I remember feeling happy that I had such nice gloves already.

I thought about calling my mum, who had given me the gloves. I had already lost the first pair she had given me, a red suede pair. They had been nice too.

I thought about calling Damjan, so that I could cry to him.

Every now and then, I whimpered aloud.

I checked my bag a few more times.

‘Maybe I should have gone to the depot,’ I thought. ‘Maybe it had been in the other bus that we overtook.’

Three-quarters of the way home, a bus with the same route number went past me. I looked at the licence plate and it seemed the same as the one which I had tried to memorise. I realised that I had forgotten it except that it started with ‘L’.

Almost home, I remembered that before I had nodded off in the bus, I had a tissue in my hand. I had used it to wipe my eye liner off. Where was it? Had I dropped it with my gloves?

I knew where I would normally put the tissue — in a little pocket of my bag. I stuck my hand there and felt… leather.

Disbelieving, I pulled out my gloves, which had been squished into a tiny ball. They uncrumpled into their black leather full fleeced glory.

‘Oh! Oh! Oh!’ I cried. ‘Thank God!’

I shoved my hands into them and flexed my fingers. I balled my hands into a fist and held them to my mouth. Mmm, leather smell.

‘Thank you, thank you, thank you!’ I couldn’t believe they were real.

My gloves are here on my desk. I am very happy now.

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody

It was midnight. I was trying to sleep but the screaming wouldn’t stop. Outside, someone had been screaming for a while. I got out of bed again and peered anxiously out the window.

‘Is someone getting raped?’ I thought. ‘What do I do? Can anyone else hear it? Should I go outside? Can I stop it?’

The screaming stopped. I went back to bed. Then it started again.

‘Maybe it’s a dog,’ I thought. As far as I could tell, the screams hadn’t formed any words.

Two dogs started barking.

Again, I got up to look out the window. I thought about the story of a girl being mugged and killed in a New York alley. Many people looked out of their windows onto the alleyway. No one tried to help the girl because everyone could see that plenty of people were watching. Everyone assumed someone else had called the police or was making their way downstairs to intervene. And so, the girl fell victim to the phenomenon of distributed responsibility.

‘Stop it!’ someone yelled. It was a woman’s voice and it came from halfway up the block of flats across the road. ‘Leave it alone!’

A man’s voice joined in. His voice came from lower down the apartment block. ‘Stop beating the dog! Stop, or I’ll call the RSPCA! I’ll call the cops!’

‘Fuck off! Mind your own fucking business!’ That man’s voice came from the bottom of the flats, probably on the lawn. The screaming started again.

So it was a dog.

The dog wasn’t barking or whining. It was crying in long vowels. It was a human sound. If I had been in its position, I think I would have shut up in an attempt to appease the tormentor.

I was relieved that there were two people braver than me. I could go back to bed and wait for the shouting to stop. I wondered what I would have done if I was the one with the phone in my hand. Should I have the RSPCA’s number programmed into my mobile? Would the RSPCA pick up at midnight? Would I call 999? Not for a dog, surely?

A blaring siren pulled me back to the window. A police car flashing its lights drove past our front door and turned left into the housing estate.

Two police officers got out. They spoke to someone outside at the bottom of the building, then walked to the front lawn. They were on the lawn for a while. Were they talking to the dog beater? Or looking at the body of a dog?

Who knew how long this whole thing would go for? I climbed into bed. I needed to get up in less than seven hours.

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody

This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.
Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.
Somebody got angry because it was Everybody’s job.
Everybody knew that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Somebody wouldn’t do it.
And Everybody blamed Somebody because Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

eBay rescue

It was about 11:30 PM and I was about to turn off the computer when three emails from eBay popped up in my inbox.

‘You’ve received a question about your eBay item, Nokia N95…’, the subject line said.

Curious. I wasn’t bidding on a Nokia N95. I clicked on the email and found that it was spam. Strangely, it looked like I was the one sending spam to the seller of the Nokia N95. If you send a message through eBay, you get a copy of it in your email. This piece of spam was signed in my name.

I’ve gotten spam emails through eBay before and have ‘spoof@ebay…’ in my address book so that I can forward it to them. I was going to do just that when suddenly, another dozen of these emails arrived in my inbox, all with different subject lines. A second later, there were another dozen, and another.

Puzzled, I visited eBay’s website to get a help contact. I was very pleased to find that eBay has a ‘live help’ feature. So I clicked on ‘live help’ and in a few seconds, was talking to Melvin.

I told Melvin that there were now 50 spam emails in my inbox and they looked as if I had sent them to others. Melvin agreed that it was strange and asked me to forward the emails to him. I logged off the chat and went to forward two of the emails.

Then it suddenly went crazy.

New emails arrived, saying, ‘You Won eBay Item: NOKIA E90 COMUNICATOR’ and ‘You Won eBay Item: Apple iPhone 8Gb’. Now I was buying items? Were these fake emails too?

In a panic, I logged into my eBay account and was confronted with a bill for tens of thousands of dollars. It looked as if someone had hacked into my account and was wreaking havoc by sending spam, bidding in auctions and buying what was immediately available.

Thankfully, Melvin was still on the live chat. He switched me to Stan, an account security person. Stan read through my chat history with Melvin and hopped into my account to see what was going on. I waited at my computer, fingers poised on the keys. In the mean time, more emails arrived, congratulating me for additional purchases.

After five minutes, Stan typed, ‘There does seem to be an unusual pattern of activity in the purchases.’ He also discovered the spam emails in my ‘sent messages’. He and Denise (who showed up in the chat session later) helped me remove all my bids and purchases, and sent emails to the sellers to tell them that I wasn’t responsible for the bids. They also emailed the spam recipients.

‘This will help reduce the number of enquiries you might get.’ Yes, indeed, there are some people who do reply to spam (despite Stan and Denise’s precautions, one person did end up asking me about the iPhone I was supposedly peddling).

Stan reset my eBay account and I had to change both my email and eBay passwords. It was all over in an hour.

I wonder how this had happened? Stan suggested that I had clicked a link on a spoof email, then logged into a fake eBay website. I don’t think this is what happened. I haven’t logged into my eBay account for more than a month. I’m also very careful about fake emails.

I think it’s more likely that they had guessed my password. It was a fairly simple one. Maybe they had plugged a computer dictionary in and tried out the more obvious combinations.

I have come out of this incident with two things: one, a new passion for passwords with upper and lower case letters, numbers and punctuation characters; and secondly, satisfaction and pleasure at eBay’s efforts to help people out as soon as they have a problem.

Small change

While I was away from Melbourne, I got a cheque for $1.64 in the mail. It was waiting for me on my desk when I got back.

Not one for loose ends, I walked to the local branch of my bank so that I could deposit it. Usually, I make deposits through the ATM. The machine gave me an envelope as normal. I stuffed the cheque in and licked it shut. I was in a hurry because the machine was beeping at me: ‘Quickly! Put the envelope in! I’m going to cancel your transaction, you’re taking too long…’

I pushed the envelope into the deposit slot and only managed to squish it against an unseen surface. I tried again. Push. Squish. The ATM seemed jammed.

I hit ‘cancel’ — then, patiently joined the queue inside the bank for a teller. When I was called to the counter, I explained the situation.

‘Could you help me deposit this cheque? I tried to put it into the ATM but the machine is jammed.’

‘Of course. No problem.’ The teller ripped open the end of the ATM envelope, only to find she had ripped off the end of my cheque as well. After further struggles with sticky tape, my $1.64 was finally on its way to my account.

‘Thanks for that,’ I said. ‘Umm… Could you make sure I’m not charged for this transaction? The teller assist fee, I mean?’

I have an internet-based bank account. For $2 a month, I get electronic and ATM transactions for free but am charged $2.50 if I need help from a teller.

‘Oh no, I can’t do that’ she said. ‘You’re charged as soon as you show up at the teller. When you get your statement with the charges listed, bring it into the branch. They might be able to do something about it then.’

Walking home from the bank, I felt more and more vexed. If I got charged $2.50, I would make a loss of 86 cents on this deposit. I would have been better off ripping up the cheque in the first place!

At home, I turned on the computer and composed an email to the bank’s complaints department. I clicked ‘send’ and felt better. There. I had done my best.

The next day, I got a call from the bank.

‘Hello, is this Joan?’

‘Yes?’

‘This is Madeleine from the bank. We got a feedback email from you yesterday and I’m calling to let you know that you won’t be charged for the cheque deposit.’

‘Oh, good!’ I said.

‘And for the trouble that you took to write that email, we’re also waiving your $2 account keeping fee for this month.’

I started laughing. ‘Wow, uh, fantastic! Every little bit counts, I guess!’

Madeleine giggled too. I knew it cost her nothing to offer the $2. To the bank, $2 was a tiny price for keeping a customer happy.

Dishonesty is rife

I am on the hunt for a house in London. Unexpectedly, this is a full time job. I’ve been on the phone to agents all day, trolling websites, sending emails, and coordinating with my future house mates. House hunting is a surprisingly stressful activity. Your hopes get raised, then dashed, then raised, then dashed. If it happens enough times, you start thinking that you’re chasing a dream, that it’s not possible to find a four bedroom place in north-west London for less than £600 (A$1500) per week.

And I’ve only been at this for one day!

Hahaha… Well, I’ve extrapolated from what my friend, Judy, has told me. While I’ve been writing up my dissertation, she’s been looking for houses. We’ve got a month before crunch time but Judy’s been disappointed often enough that we’re reluctantly letting go of dreams of living in a non-dodgy neighbourhood.

Luckily for the team, now that I’m homeless and unemployed, I can reinvigorate the search with full time fervour and constant internet access.

Judy warned me of a nasty real estate ploy, which I’ve already fallen victim to about five times in my one day of house hunting. When you express interest in an advertised house, the agent calls back and invariably says, ‘That house you emailed about, it’s already gone. I do have another house, it’s just come on the market. It’s a great one, twice as expensive as the other one and in a completely different neighbourhood. You’ll love it.’

It’s difficult not to get defensive when you constantly have to say, ‘That’s too expensive for me,’ and being told, ‘You’ll never get anything for that amount in this area.’ I’ve got a tactic, though. I make it sound like me being cheap is me doing a favour for them. ‘I’m sorry, that’s out of my budget and I don’t want to waste your time with an inspection.’ Then, they end up thanking me and I feel like I’m nice and honest (not like them), rather than simply poor.

We have found a perfect house. It’s in our price range, it’s exactly where we want to live, it has the right number of bedrooms and bathrooms, and it’s already partly furnished. Better yet, the agent has contacted us (proving that the house does actually exist) and we’re now arranging to view it.

Fingers crossed that this works out, even if I do have to pay a few extra weeks of rent while I’m visiting home in Australia. I’m trying not to get prematurely attached to the house.

No wonder people go a bit crazy at auctions. I can empathise completely with the emotional pressure to spend whatever you have to so that you aren’t disappointed yet again, and don’t have to go back into the pool of home hunters.

Come to think of it, maybe this is also why people ‘settle’ for people who they’re not quite in love with.

Arachnophobia and slugphobia

I don’t like slugs. Or worms. Slimy things make my skin crawl. I don’t like butter, either. Because it’s slimy.

Di doesn’t like spiders. She says that they make her freak out. It’s probably something to do with all the legs, dozens of clickity-clickity sounds as they power overhead on the ceiling or towards you on your bedside table.

One morning, I came down the stairs from my bedroom and saw something a bit odd. There was a stack of towels jammed up against the foot of Di’s door. When I rounded the staircase, I saw a piece of paper stuck to the kitchen door. It said:

Joan

I am staying at Phil’s because I saw a huge spider. It was this big:


Di had drawn a circle bigger than my fist. Now, that’s a big spider.

In the days following, Di, Phil and Ashley killed two giant spiders downstairs. Their weapon was the broom. They found one behind the fridge and another near the bathroom.

Thank goodness we haven’t been infested by slugs. I am shuddering just think of it.

Averting disasters

I got up early this morning to meet Gráinne for a walk along the river. She had saved me a piece of chocolate cake from her super-baking session on the weekend, so after our walk, I followed Gráinne riding ahead of me.

At the intersection, I took off, changing gears as the lights turned green. CLUNK, CLUNK, and suddenly, I was pedalling air in the middle of the road. What the–? The green light turned red and I yanked my bike off the road, onto a traffic island so that cars wouldn’t hit me.

I watched Gráinne disappear ahead of me. Inspecting the gears, I realised that the chain had slipped. I couldn’t fix it in the middle of the intersection so at the next red light, I started wheeling the bike in the direction Gráinne had gone.

Finally, I caught up with her. We spent the next ten minutes putting the chain back on both gears. Hands covered in grease, I gingerly poked through my bag looking for my keys to lock up the bike. I gave up, not wanting to cover my things with grease (my jeans already had black smears) and left the bike at the bike racks, unlocked.

In Gráinne’s kitchen, we scrubbed our hands with detergent. She had just taken the cake out when, heart sinking, I discovered that I had lost my keys. They weren’t in my bag or my pockets.

‘Oh no,’ I said.

With the kettle boiling in the background, Gráinne and I thought about what to do. She wrapped my cake up and I put it in my bag. We fetched our bikes and started walking back towards the river, scanning the ground for my keys.

‘I’ve grown up, Gráinne,’ I said. ‘In the past, I would have been panicking by now. I hate losing things.’

‘It’s not so bad when you can replace things,’ she said. ‘The college will give you another key.’

‘And I have an extra bike lock key at home, too.’

‘Do you lose things often?’

‘Yeah. But I’ve been pretty good in the past few months. I lost a sock in the laundry this week. I was so annoyed because I’m really careful. I know socks get left behind in washing machines.’

Gráinne laughed and said, ‘Socks don’t count. They’re always plotting for it, they’re like Steve McQueen in The Great Escape.’

We got to where I had locked my bike up before our walk. We hadn’t seen the keys. Plan B was to ask shops along route if someone had handed in bunch of keys this morning. Luckily, at this time of day, few shops were open so we could ask them all.

We asked at three shops, the punting booth and Magdalene College plodge without success. I walked into a second-hand store, where three shopkeepers were having a natter.

‘Hello, did anyone hand in a bunch of keys this morning?’ I asked plaintively.

‘Keys? Sorry dear, no. We’ve just opened up.’

A short blond girl browsing in store said, ‘I think I saw keys. Somewhere there, back there.’

‘Really?! Can you show me where?’ I cried.

I followed her out and we walked for about ten metres before she pointed to a shop window sill.

‘Those ones?’

Yes! My keys! Someone clever had picked them up and put them on the sill and this kind girl had seen them and I had walked into the store she was in and she had heard me and now I had my keys! A miracle!

‘Thank you! Thank you very much!’ I waved the keys at Gráinne, who had been patiently accompanying me in my hunt.

Finally home, I happily unwrapped and ate my chocolate cake. The world was so nice. Unconsciously, I tugged my left ear.

Oh no. My gold earring wasn’t there. I checked my right ear. That one was there.

I bit my lip. Having lost an earring or two when I was younger, I now check them regularly without thinking. I must have lost the earring recently, probably while I was running around fixing bicycles and looking for keys. The earring was more expensive, more difficult to replace than my keys. An earring lost outside is lost forever.

On the chance that it had fallen out at home, I slowly moved around the house, scanning the benches and carpet. Not in the bathroom. Not in the kitchen. Not at my desk. Not on the bedroom floor.

And there it was. On my pillow.

I’m never going to complain about a lost sock again.