Acquaintance X seems to like Friend Y.
Friend Y is either oblivious or so polite that she can act naturally around X.
Friend Z and I have been watching. We watched, exchanged looks. Nodded because without consulting each other, we knew we had come to the same conclusion. It would never (should never) work. X is nice enough but … more showy (forward, contrived) than Y would ever be. He’s not a terrible person (talented, hard-working, smart) but in the words of Cher Horowitz, “I just don’t think you mesh well together.”
It makes Z sad to see this impossible situation playing out before us. Maybe Z would like everyone to be as happy as they are. I am less charitable. I wish for X‘s dignity and Y‘s equanimity sake that X would be a bit more subtle about his infatuation.
Without knowing X very well (and at the risk of doing him a significant injustice), I think Y is too good for him.
I don’t want to disparage X‘s feelings for Y. You can’t help how you feel. Just… dignity, please. Subtlety. Self-control.
Of course, Z and I will say nothing. It’s none of our business.
nothing is impossible. you’ll never know… maybe five years from now, you might attend their wedding. 😉 yup, i’m a romantic.
pickle
Pickle is absolutely right, anything can happen. Seeing as X is just an acquaintance, perhaps there are hidden dimensions to X’s personality which would make him good enough for Y. Self control is important, but if X controls himself too much, then Y may never know about X’s feelings.
It “would” never work and “should” never work are interesting comments. Who are we to judge what should and shouldn’t work? And dignity? Sometimes you just have to throw dignity out the window… but I’m just speculating. I don’t know who X and Y are…
Daniel
Well, you are both right of course. I would be inordinately chuffed if Y were to find herself in a happy attachment. I suppose I just feel a bit protective of her.
As for X and Y’s different personalities, well, I know more couples (most couples) have a more upfront half and another half is more reserved, so there’s no problem there, really.
I guess I’m a bit anti-X because he’s not conducting his courtship the way I would — but when is that ever a sin? 😉
I agree with pickle – but I’m a hopeless romatic too =)
Making it obvious it the easiest way to do something without actually doing much. At least X is making it obvious that he is interested, so if his affections aren’t returned he will know without having to go through the (sometimes embarrasing) process of asking and being rejected.
“We forget that most loves aren’t forever, that most words are mere vibrations of insubstantial air, that most unions are a nest of comic differences that no other animal in the world would tolerate, let alone desperately pursue.”
Dignity doesn’t really play a role – if you really like someone nothing else matters.
joee
Ah, I’m ashamed of my lack of charity!
On the subject of courting strategies, people seem to have different opinions. I imagined I’d be very friendly and amusing in front of the Object of Affection, try to figure out how receptive they are. If I think there’s a chance, I’ll casually invite them to… enjoy the fruits of my recently-acquired Pancake Parlour voucher 😉 Then I might send an ambiguous text message or email or two, which the OoA can take either way.
If OoA doesn’t take the opportunity to nudge the association further, then I will back off… I think. I haven’t reached this stage yet. All (2) of my OoAs have fallen into my trap *BIG WINK*
I’m not sure what would be done if I REALLY liked someone and they didn’t reciprocate. Would I “cool it” or persist? There’s something desperate about trying to *make* someone like you. But in what Perfect World does everyone like everyone else in exactly the same way at the same time to the same degree? I guess in most relationships, someone was the Chaser and someone was the Chasee.
Joan, where can I get Pancake Parlour vouchers from? 😉
Difficult as it is, I think it’s best to back off if someone doesn’t reciprocate. But if you’re feeling really desperate (as you normally are by this stage — I’m speaking from experience), I think you should ask them out, just to make sure they’re really not interested. You might get a pleasant surprise. And if not, well, having the confirmation always makes it so much easier to let go — none of that “what if” business.
And no, I don’t think you can make someone like you. It just makes things worse if you try, too. Been there, done that.
vera
Mr Joel — Why, to share this thought-provoking anecdote with you, my loyal readers of course! 🙂 This entry has shot straight to the top of the Hot Topics listing.
Beldar, it’s only chasey if someone runs.
Vera, you can get Pancake Parlour vouchers from my brother — or failing that, the Pancake Parlour (they seem to be free and easy with them).
W, maybe *I* have designs on Y, even if she is a girl and I’ve historically liked Y chromosomes 🙂
I certainly don’t have any designs on Y, I don’t know what you’re talking about, W!
And I think if I did have designs on Y, encouraging X to take action would work in my favour anyway. At least then I know where I stand. And there’s also the chance that what I thought was competition might be eliminated.
Don’t you think, W?
Z
W, you mean X, not Y, right?
What actions have I taken that “betray [my] desires”? I thought it obvious my affections lay elsewhere. I should definitely correct any misleading motions, should they exist.
Z
This has become a most interesting topic. Perhaps another strategy would be for you or Z to tell person Y. It is likely that Y has not realized because either (1) she is interested in X and can’t decide whether hints are hints or (2) she is interested in someone else and, due to crush-tunnel-vision, is unable to notice X’s hints. Both are likely scenarios.
As for courting strategies, I think that a person should only give up at the point when they ask and are very clearly, and on no uncertain terms, rejected. Asking and getting rejected should definitely be chosen over not asking and living with regret.
I’m still wondering why you think it would never (should never) work… and this whole business of Y being too good for X.
Daniel
Z! How could you do this to me. I was ready to bear your children and have your name tattooed on my butt! Oh the heartache!
miss V
The Alphabet has hijacked my blog!!
*grin*Daniel, Vera is right. I have pre-judged the validity of a relationship between X and Y, which makes me a bad mathematician, er I mean, friend. I have no basis for this other than that infallible Women’s Intuition (I wonder if Z has “Women’s Intuition”??).
Z and I will consider your admirable advice about taking Y aside for a Woman-&-Man-to-Woman chat. But I still think that most people would take Y’s lack of encouragement as discouragement and would back off. Well, I can understand if X’s continued behaviour is due to, “I can’t help it,” but I don’t approve if it’s, “I will badger her until she gives in.”
I think there’s consensus on that point. Now, whether or not to flex my interfering muscles? *cracks knuckles thoughtfully*
😛
If X isn’t good enough for Y… then who is?
Daniel
Daniel, you’re single, right? Hmm.
“Y, meet D. D enjoys reading blogs, fine dining and being hyper-active. D, Y enjoys ignorning admirers and not reading blogs.” (phew!)
How do you know that I enjoy fine dining?
What does me being single have anything to do with anything?
(phew?)
D
I’m sure you do. You enjoy fine driving, fine living, fine friends. I’m sure you enjoy fine dining too. It’s a natural extension 😉
If you’re single, then you are eligible. You are an eligible fine bachelor, possibly worthy of Y.
Is Y worthy of you? *shrug* I don’t know. You’ve set pretty high standards, being an international athlete who enjoys fine dining, and all. But your happiness is not my concern, only Y’s is 🙂
> Hasn’t D met Y yet?
Surely you don’t expect me to answer this question. There’s a reason I’m using confusing letters of the alphabet, you know.
*wink*
Introductions:
“D, Y.
D, X.”
heh
Posted by Z (the real one, not the one who declared his love for Y!)
Are we ever going to discover the identity of X, Y or Z?
Posted by Daniel